Honestly, what are thongs good for? I find myself genuinely disturbed by the purpose of this style of underwear. My initial reaction was something like a child being handed a medium-sized rock, after turning it over a few times and realizing it doesn’t have any buttons, the child asks “What do I do with it?” This is my perplexity with thongs. I want to specify that I have nothing against anyone who chooses to wear these string-held contraptions. And I’ll admit that I am aware that a thong can serve some ulterior purpose such as provocative lingerie or as fitting underwear for particular women’s outfits (or so I’m told), or even perhaps to acquire some form of attention or admiration from others. But at the end of the day a thong, to me, means having a permanent wedgie intentionally crammed up your butt for as long as one wears it. Now, it may seem like I’m kidding here but let’s look at the definition of wedgie, shall we? According to Wikipedia (even if it is not a totally reliable source, bear with me), a wedgie means having one's underwear or other garments "wedged" between the buttocks. Does this not bare a surprising resemblance to what a thong does? I’d say so. So let us be completely honest with ourselves the next time we decide to don on a thong or look at one or admire one or whatever, that in its truest most basic nature it is a barely-there piece of butt-floss.