Why Utah, you may wonder. Well, let’s just say that inevitable circumstances refused to leave me any other options. I’ve been staying in Mormon Country for about two months now. Throughout my stay I’ve experience a strong enough mixture of influential feelings as to make me seem schizophrenic. Fortunately, I’ve alarmed no one. I arrived, relaxed and ready to face this sudden change of scenery. I was actually thankful for the backdrop-alteration; we all benefit from the little getaways that help us break away from our daily routines. Then, as the days wore on, I began to feel uncomfortable by the idleness in which my time was being spent. The reason for this, I believe, is because it is generally viewed as wasting time when you have so much of it at your disposal. And so, frustration bloomed ever so unattractively. There was a constant poke-poke in my mind, an annoying push to do more, to find something that others could call productive for me to do.
- Let me just interrupt myself with this observation: It can be pretty irritating to care about what others say or think, and to have that influence you in a negative way. I know.
Moving on. I made little progress in discovering this fateful occupation that was supposed to employ so much of my time and dub me useful. So I was doomed to have a clear schedule and nothing but blue skies to console me… I think this would have been the perfect moment to slap myself on the forehead and write jackass on my chest in bright red. Let me just point out the situation to make it clear: at this point, I have no obligations that require indefinite attentiveness or any pressing matters to frustrate me or difficult situations to stress me out or make me age before my time… and I’m complaining that it’s just not right? What the hell is wrong with me, I suddenly wondered. I then realized a few things, such as: I have a pretty damn good life here. Who cares if it’s what people expected of me or not? It’s where I am now, regardless.
I’ve been blessed with what few are fortunate to receive: a break. I have time, valuable instances where I can really savor the essence of the day, where I can appreciate the hours between sunrise and sunset, where I can enjoy conversing with my relatives as I hardly got a chance to do before. How often does this happen after one’s teenage years? (If your family is filthy rich, then this question may not apply to you.) All in all, I think I’ve pissed away enough time worrying about what I’m supposed to be doing. I’m putting in my two weeks notice - I formally quit this business of tormenting myself with uncertain tomorrows. I’ve been given today, and it’s time I started to take pleasure in it without apologizing for it.
- Here’s a brief description of what Utah is like for me: Utah is quiet, pleasant and peaceful. It always gives me the chance to listen instead of talk, to consider instead of acting without thought, to value instead of behaving like some programmed robot. The tall surrounding mountains are a comforting sight. The streets are organized and clean. Unless your neighbor is the noisy type, few sounds interfere indoors after dark. There seems to be a fancy for ridiculously tall cars – I presume it’s because of the large amount of snow in the winter. There are a handful of fun activities you can occupy yourself with, you just have to dig deep and be willing to drive the necessary distance. The people are friendly. They do get traffic jams here too. And there are many hairdos that can have the same effect as a STOP sign. In general, there seems to be an air of simplicity and contentment that circle through the landscape, along with the dry desert winds and the bright hot sun.